Taking a #Stand to break #stigmas

Y’all know the one cause that is near and dear to my heart right? Postpartum Depression.

Anna Paquin

Anna Paquin – PPD suferer

Turns out I ain’t alone.

Ha. I’m obviously not alone in standing up for my ninjas.

Buuuuut……….yesterday I was privileged to have a conversation with Jon Avnet; co creator of WIGS. Wow right? Well, if you are like me – you are asking…“what the heck is WIGS?” Well, WIGS was launched in May 2012 by director/producers Jon Avnet (“Black Swan,” “Fried Green Tomatoes,“ “Risky Business”), Rodrigo Garcia (“Albert Nobbs,” “In Treatment,” “Big Love”) and Jake Avnet, and is now the No. 1 channel for scripted drama on YouTube, with over 24 million views to date and more than 100,000 subscribers. The channel offers high-end original series, short films, and documentaries, all starring female leads.

Okay…not wowed yet?

Well, Mr. Avnet also directed and wrote a powerful series for WIGS called “Susanna”. Its about a woman suffering from severe postpartum depression and the affects it has on her family. Here is a clip:

Some awesome factuals? Mr. Avnet worked closely with Postpartum International and several doctors to make sure things were spot on; his attitude toward the series was the attitude of us mothers who have suffered through this disease. (Hmmm….maybe he suffered though it and didn’t know it?) There is too much of a stigma; this subject is taboo and he wants to break down the walls to start a discussion.

Want my thoughts?

Y’all need to stop reading what I am writing and watch & spread the word about this. Seriously – this is the one time I give you permission to leave my site. This series is so powerful and terrifyingly familiar; we need to help WIGS and Mr. Avnet breakdown the stigma. We need to stand up and fight like us ninjas can fight. We need to fight for those moms still struggling.

Maggie Grace

Maggie Grace

Mr. Avnet told us that how in the 80′s; he had produced the TV movie “Burning Bed” and how it changed the way that people viewed domestic violence. Lets take this series and do the same for postpartum depression. So many woman suffer through postpartum in silence for how the media sensationalize it and totally mislabel it (MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU OPEN THAT LINK). Help spread the word so that people can finally understand what we have suffered through.

I will warn those of you still struggling with some sort of issue – the series might be triggering. I just watched the first three episodes and i was on the verge of tears the whole time; if you want to support and watch – grab a pillow or a friend or just spread the word.

The first six episodes start today and the next six come out next friday June 21st.

Lets spread the word and break the stigmas. Its so important my ninjas.

I was not compensated for this post; I just really believe in this cause. I will always write about mental health. I am a mental health ninja after all. – thats how you do a disclosure yo.

How #crazy?

Me: How crazy do I look? I wanna do a vlog but I don’t wannna do my hair.

Brother: On a scale of 1-10?

Mom: a 20

Brother: Ha!! She said how crazy she looks not how crazy she is!

Me: I just love my family.

Brother: Whats a vlog?

Me: its a video…

Brother: NO. I mean…ahem, no.

Me: So I do look crazy.

Brother: Ha, ha. No, its just you look like you just rolled out of bed.

Me: well, yeah I did….two hours ago.

Brother: You are a sad, sad woman.

The girl: Nana, where you going?

Mom: I’m gonna potty in the peepee. Wait.

Me: BAHAHAHAHA!

Brother: and thats my cue to exit.

Me: Thats what you get for making fun of me!!!!!!

The other side of the mirror

Ya know how I talked about the good life in the mirror?

Well sometimes there’s the bad. Not too often do I see her.

She’s mean.

Angry.

Grumpy.

Doesn’t want to be bothered.

Selfish.

She’s evil almost. She’s so fierce (& not fierce in the good way) to look at I can’t look at her ….

That’s not me right?

Being me

It’s weird being me.

Mostly cause I am so weird and I know it, I’ve gotten used to who I can and cannot be weird around. A special thanks to you OCD/ADHD/SAD (or is it GAD? Shoo I’m just really really anxious) for making me different ya suckers; though I can’t even blame the disease cause I’m even weird to people with those diseases.

Shoo there’s just no cure for me.

After my attempt at utter stupidity, I was forced to see a therapist. It’s been okay I guess – except for at my second session the jerk almost fell asleep on me. Guess I’m not as crazy as I thought; or at least my crazy isn’t that interesting. Well she did perk up in the end when I … Ha. Like I’m gonna tell youse.

Remember? I’m paranoid.

But she did give this nut some homework that I’m trying to work up the courage to do. Take the kids to the park by myself. I haven’t done that since the girl was in a baby carrier – and even then I was paranoid someone was gonna steal them from me.

Man, I’m getting issues just thinking about it. But baby steps right? I will get there. I will do it.

Man, I haven’t written like this in forever. Feels good to do this. Ahhhhhh……wooossssaaaaahhhhhh.

Yeah. Proved it just now.

Weirdo.

Lets see, I’m feeling much much better, like me. I’ve had like a reawakening. Like a spark of life since that day – obviously didnt happen on that stupid day but since then. I know why God saved me. To help; to become an advocate; to be a mental health ninja and fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.

It’s a fire burning in my heart. I can’t wait to get started. I need to get started – but where?

Ha. Boom. That’s me. Jessica. Imperfect momma by day; mental health ninja by night – can you deal with that?

So that happened

So y’all know how I was going through a case of the evil magentas…not helped by my both my grandma’s health situation.

I was eating breakfast and reading the bible when I overheard this from the living room:

The boy: no.
The girl: yes.
The boy: NO!!
The girl: YES!!
The boy: NO!!
The girl: YES!!
The boy: NO!!
The girl: YES!!
The boy: NO!!
The girl: YES!!

What were they fighting about? Well, duh…didn’t you read? The boy said no and the girl said yes.

Oh my heart

Family.

A source of comfort. A source of pain.

Today it’s been a source of pain. Just got a lot of information about how bad my grandmas (I only have a Grandma surviving for each parent) are really doing.

They’ve lived long happy lives – one is 80, the other is 81. To me they seem to be too young to be going through this.

My 80 year old grandma is losing her memory. It’s so bad she has forgotten people; my 81 year old Grandma has Parkinson’s. Her case has gotten so bad she can barely walk.

Oh my heart can’t take anymore. I can’t deal, I don’t want to deal.

Can I just crawl into bed and just make believe none of this is real?

Everyone’s a critic

We were getting ready to go out to eat and the husband promised to go downstairs with the kids so I can dress without my stalkers; when they decided to have a powwow about it:

Boy: mah-meeeee (silence ensued for 30 seconds after I said yes 40,000xs which equaled how many times he said my name) what r u doing?

Me: waiting to dress without an audience. I miss that, ya know.

Girl: (covering her eyes as if I had just dissed her brother to …. Well, I just don’t know how to end that)oh!

Me: ha, I know funny right? Mommy made a funny joke?

Girl: (removes hands from eyes; looks at me like I just told her Santa ain’t real and said) ooooohhhhh. No!

Mirror

I like to look in the mirror and just imagine my reflection is just happier. Her name is Miranda and she is happy as a clam.

She may just look funky for the moment but normally she’s happy – living her life.

Living the life I want to have.

Where she goes out to her garden to just rest, drink tea and write wonderful stories of peace and grace. One thing she never has to worry about is writers block. In fact, she’s never even heard of it.

Her children are happy and well behaved – they’ve never even heard of a television…therefore the evil Caillou doesn’t exist in her world.

Her husband doesn’t work 80 hr weeks and they enjoy their life together on the plush English countryside.

I like her mirrored world. It seems so quiet and serene….but then I know I’d miss the screaming demands of my diva. My sons version of the Spanish Inquisition and my husbands half asleep conversations.

Maybe.

#OCD can help

So my husband and I were were racing to see who could put the clothes away the fastest – a race mostly of my making; though I think I may have told him about the race.

Maybe. Hmmm…..did I?

Anyways, I started to zoom through my pile and shot a glance over to the husband.

He was just talking away to the kids and listening to music. “Foolish move,” I muttered quietly, “music and those kids will just slow ya down. Ha, ha, ha, ha! suhckah.”

I turned back to my ever diminishing pile, when my eye glanced to the closet and I noticed it.

Those freaking hangars are hanging incorrectly. The clothes are dragging them to one side. And shoo – those pants don’t belong over there; jeans don’t go with the stretchy pants and dangit there goes those funky hangars again. And will someone please tell me what possessed me to place those two short sleeved shirts with the sweaters?

Sigh…..at the worst times does my OCD love to rear it’s ugly head; like when I’m trying to win a race that no one knew they were in but me.

Once I was done I looked to my husband with a defeated, pathetic look – until I saw he had still pieces of clothes left.

“Ha!” With everyone’s attention, I paraded around like a proud peacock; “I finished my pile before you AND I let my crazy run free.”

My husband, turned quickly on one foot, twisted his head to one side and responded: “what the crap you talking about? Have you lost your mind?”

The boy: “mommy done? Mommy play toys!”

The girl: “ha, ha. I farted.”

Yeah, they knew who was the boss

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